So far in my kinky career I've mostly played with men. And they've had to work hard(ish) to earn my trust enough to play. By working hard I mean lots of email conversation, actively getting to know me and my likes and dislikes. Or being recommended by another top or bottom type. It's very rarely that I'll meet a guy, take one look and want to play.
Even with Zytex last weekend I have watched him play often enough and read his comments online enough to trust him. And our pre-play conversation confirmed my instincts that he was worth playing with.
The few women I've played with however, have only needed to exist. I find myself meeting them and instantly wanting to play. Becoming shy even, finding it hard to verbalise my desire to play with them. Something I have no problem with when it comes to kinky men!
And last weekend at Nimhneach I caught the eye of a Domme and if she had ordered me to come to her I would have. The attraction on my part was that intense and all through just one look.
I'm wondering about the different affects of men vs women and the only solution I can come up with is the greater power exchange involved. I'm not sexually attracted to women, but I am to men. In my life long kinky fantasies I have always thought of the authoritative male in charge: teacher, garda, guardian, priest.
Submission to such a male authority figure is natural for me. But submission to a woman is not. It requires more from me. I have to allow her to have authority over me. Permit her power, that to me as a confident and competitive young woman feels inherently wrong. Therefore submitting to a woman is more powerful and more intense.
I'm so looking forward to exploring it more and figuring out if it's just the unknown that is the attraction or is it really a female thing and my own gender issues. Either way I've been delightfully thinking about that look and what might have passed...
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5 comments:
Ooh. How interesting. Looking forward to seeing where this journey will take you!
"What might have passed?"
And now your readers are on tenterhooks thinking about what will pass...
Ooo, that's making me all hot and flustered with anticipation!
@Haron, me too :)
@Abel, hmmmm well I guess I could post about what I was imagining for a start..
Heehee girls and boys are different but both are fun in different ways. It's an interesting issue looking at the effect of gender on play. I don't naturally see men as authority figures in my day to day life - I spent a lot of my teens in martial arts clubs as often the only 'serious' level girl proving that I was as strong as the boys (even when I wasn't and was sneakily fitting in lots of extra weights sessions and runs just to keep up, or wiping away tears between sparring rounds and pretending it was just sweat). So I don't see guys as naturally authoritive - I don't really see anyone as an authority figure. To quote my best friend from University 'You have a serious problem with authority'. So for me subbing to anyone is a big challenge in terms of power exchange but I think that's why it turns me on, calms me down and ultimately is part of my big life 'balance'.
It can be harder subbing to girls though because having done a lot of competetive sports I'm used to competing with them. Eyeing them up when they walk into the training hall to see if I think they're stronger and faster than me, whether I'll be able to beat them. So letting one beat me is novel. But very very hot. They have to have something very special about them for me to want to sub to them though.
But yay for exploring new things :)
What of Female authority figures?
In day to day life, How much harder does a woman have to work to be taken seriously in traditionally male authority roles, say, working as Security Personnel, or even ordinary Management of male staff members. Does she develop a more instantaneously perceptible air of authority if she has felt a constant need to prove herself in those environments?
And what of her energy, her spiritual and personal inclinations - that essence of Self which is carried within, and shows forth naturally?
Is it every, or any Female, or just a select few? Is it simply the fact that she is Female; is that enough?
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