I have a greedy nature. I truly want to have it all. Then I want more of it. More play, more attention, more laughs, more hugs, more friends, more beatings, more love.
I want to be the best: at work, at friendship, at love, at sex, at life, at this thing we do.
I have an addictive and obsessive personality. Sometimes I cannot be sated. Until I have gorged myself to illness, danced myself to a heap, drank myself into a stupor, played myself to screaming pain, cried myself to choking tears, fought my way through the emotional storms: anger, jealousy, shame.
I want to be all things to all people. Everyone's friend, emergency call out, shoulder to cry on, playmate, entertainer and protector.
And when the pressure gets too much and I want to hide under the duvet and disappear I momentarily think I need that shining Knight to come and rescue me. To tell me what to do, when to stop, when to be calm, how to make better choices, to stop me saying and doing reckless impulsive things, to punish me when I've failed, to take all the responsibility away from me.
But then who would I be? I wouldn't be me. And more than anything I want to be, need to be me - greedy, little me.
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7 comments:
I'd certainly recognise you from that description, I think you know you very well.
Its the source of your bubbly spontaneity, your "come on, lets give it a try", your "kebabs with everything on" challenge to life.
But its also the giddy buzz of mountain climbing, and the really good mountaineers, the ones who get to stand on summits, know the risks, particularly the descents, where most of the accidents happen.
So be giddy, impetuous and greedy, but stay wise and alert too.
Emma Jane,
Do you do the other sins as well, or do you specialize in greed?
@Karl, well so far I've blogged about Greed, Envy and Gluttony. Eventually I'll cover them all of I'm sure :)
EJ, I love your coverage of the seven deadly sins. In high school (yes, it was a catholic high school) I was in a group of seven close friends and one day one of them assigned each of us a Deadly Sin that best suited our personality... either ironically or truthfully.
I was Wrath. Alas, it wasn't ironic.
Anyway, in the words of Billy Joel, I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, cause sinners have much more fun : ) So keep on sinnin, Emma Jane!
EmmaJane, great post, I'm glad io see that you live life to the full.
And when you look back, look back with laughter and know that you have given as much as you have taken.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
"To punish to punish [you] when [you]'ve failed"? Sometimes a girl can punish herself enough mentally for any other form of punishment to be quite unnecessary, methinks...
It's not necessarily a great way to live, but my motto for at least seven years has been something along the line of "I could get run over by a bus tomorrow morning, so sod it"...
And yes, greed for life, also one of my sins, plays right into that philisophy.
As I say, not necessarily the sanest way of living, but a fun one, nevertheless.
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