I bought a new wall calendar last week. The type where my flatmate and I can pencil in things like appointments and weekends away etc. Of course I have to write in code cos technically all my trips are meant to be to the same person to cover up what I'm actually up to. I can't really write that I'm visiting several different men and women each time!
Anyway I spent a happy 10 minutes filling in all the dates I could. I'd forgotten how busy I was in January, already I don't have any free weekends. Then there were quite a few things in February already. And I was cooking up a plan for March and then there's that weekend sorted for April and a whiff of another in May.
And right then I was torn between wanting to rush off and plan more things to fill my calendar completely and the niggling thought I should probably try and slow down a bit. As much I love all my weekends away the fact that they tend to be very intense, both emotionally and physically, and involve travel, means they are taking their toll on me. Coupled with the crazy hours I'm working, it's no coincidence that right now I'm sick, yet again.
It's a subject that the lovely Eliane brought up yesterday as she provided sympathy over IM. That I need to slow down, travel less and pretty much do less full stop. Although there was a lot of the pot calling the kettle black in that exchange as we both advised the other to slow down and take it easy!
But it's all easier said than done. I've wanted this freedom in my kinky life for so long. I've dreamed about having such close relationships with like-minded kinksters, of playing such mind blowing scenes, of having such comfort and friendship. Realising I really, really need this. Now that I have the life I've wanted all these years I don't want to lose it. I don't want to miss out on anything.
And I refuse to give up my vanilla life either. Not my friends, or family or my job. So what gives? How do I keep all the balls in the air without them crashing down on my head?
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8 comments:
Heh. You are me and I claim my five pounds. Slowing down is tough, but when you really need to - you will. Of course, if you manage to lessen the pace BEFORE you crash into a state of physical and emotional exhaustion, it'll take less time to recover. But I know how hard that is!
On the other hand, taking one weekend a month at home, chilling and catching up on blogs doesn't mean you miss anything. There will always be parties. I think between my various social groups there are at least three or four things going on every weekend. No-one can do EVERYTHING, and anyone who expects you do isn't a true friend. There will always be more parties and roleplays and gatherings, and if you pace yourself now, you'll be able to keep on going to them regularly for years, rather than burning out and having to start turning everything down!
I am, however, currently a very very black pot. So I will shut up and send you sympathies instead. And I hope all your calendarings are as fun as you could wish! x
Knowing I couldn't possibly manage the pace at which you're moving doesn't stop me from being jealous! That said, Pandora's right-- one quiet-ish weekend a month without travel, hangovers, or sub-drop can make a huge difference.
Until then, have fun anyway!
Well, you know my feelings on the subject, and you also know that I'm a pretty big hypocrite, so I really shouldn't be commenting at all... but I willl say this:
I know that you need us, and those friendships just as much as we need you, but from a very selfish perspective I would rather have you as a useful and enjoyable friend long term, rather than some ball of mush sitting in the corner rocking because she overdid it once too often and her brain went "pop".
So what we really need to do is invent some sort of transporter to get you here quicker!
I know what you mean, it's hard to have both and I know that I'm less than perfect. I still see my vanilla friends quite a bit, but it's other things that suffer. I barely write anything anymore and if I do it's kinky, not proper stuff, which is bad because the whole point of my gap year was to write lots and become very famous. Oh well. If it's making you happy then why the hell not revel in it? It's very hard to choose (I've got ten days at home seeing all my friends = Yay. I'm going without sex and spanking for ten days = not yay.) Swings and roundabouts I guess.
Oh dear!
Keep in mind that you're body is a bank account of sorts - you have to put things into it too!
'me' time can involve spankings still - just make sure that you nurture yourself - physically, emotionally, mentally. Love it!
Perhaps a spa day one weekend? Treat yourself to a massage and unwind.
Come to Dubai and relax in the sun for a bit. ;)
EmmaJane,
Great to hear you are having a full and fulfilling life. Surprising as it may sound, in five years time you will look back and wonder how you had so much time now. Life gets fuller and fuller all the time so enjoy it always!
regards
Paula
As someone else who lives a whistlestop life I sympathise and know how hard it is. I think you ultimately have to do what makes you happy not just now but in the long term.
I currently booking up weekends well into the New Year and it's a bit scary. The thing that makes me sad is having to say no to people when I want to be at their thing. I do try to keep a balance though because in the long-term making the effort to see vanilla friends, pursue non-kinky hobbies and put energy into my career is important. I think you have to do what's right - and award yourself the odd night in on the sofa with some chocolate. Otherwise you will implode and that's no fun :( But it's hard
Thanks for all the lovely supportive comments. I know that ultimately it's down to me. And right now I'm very happy and also very lucky to have so many wonderful friends!
Ce le vie ;)
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