All in my head

When I wrote yesterday's post about the three different characters I'd be playing over this weekend it got me thinking about roleplay in general and all the characters I've come up with over the past year.

I've made up several girls for schools, reformatories, historical re-enactments or just once off scenes. Each one has had some degreee of thought and planning (some more than others) and in my head I know her personality. How she reacts to things, what a punishment means to her i.e. a humiliation, a test, something routine etc., if she's likely to cry or not.

And of these girls, just as some get more planning, some mean more to me than others. Anna who plays with her Uncle Henry has a very special place in my heart. She's so vulnerable and scared and just wants to be loved by her Uncle, who of course horribly abuses her!

But Caoilfhionn is my absolute favourite. She's always got a spark of mischief in her eye and is funny and brave and confident (not to mention competitive). Nothing phases her and she doesn't worry or stress about anything. When I'm Caoilfhionn I feel like I'm in my happy place. I feel prettier and more confident. I want to be her forever, my ultimate safe regression!

And after I've been Caoilfhionn I love to think back about her day and how she felt and then compare to how I, Emma Jane would have reacted or felt. It's so interesting to think of how different I can be when I'm her!

Like at the last Lowewood when the teachers refused to pronounce her name properly and some of the other girls teased her over it, when the infamous Cellophane was coined! Caoilfhionn delighted in the attention and acceptance by her fellow school mates. But thinking about it afterwards Emma Jane did not like it at all. I created her as Caoilfhionn. OK yes I chose a name deliberately very Irish and therefore hard for my English friends (and even some Irish friends!) to pronounce so of course I get the irony of it all! But it didn't matter, it bothered me.

And it's gotten me musing over the intensity of our connection with our characters. They are very real to us and that's what makes roleplay work. They evoke real emotions and it's very powerful indeed.