Not Catching the Modeling Bug

I've been thinking about spanking modeling a lot lately. When I first started my Internet searches the spanking porn I came across did not interest me in the slightest. Being overly sexual, no real story behind them, unrealistic scenarios and girls enjoying it?!

But in the last year I have found much better sites, or really I should say sites that better suit my interests. Ones that use real spanking fetishists, both tops and bottoms. Story lines that make sense, real reactions, proper spankings and canings, with the right details and build up. And over the last few months I've met a few of the models that I've been watching. Note to everyone else: when meeting two well-known (and really lovely) models for the first time, try think of a better opening line than, "Oh you look exactly like you should".

Then there's my good friend Caroline Grey who has just begun her modelling career. Before she made the momentous decision to go for it we chatted about it at length. What would it mean? Could she stay anonymous? Would her parents find out? Would she be good at it? Would anyone want to watch her? (With me making vigorous yes noises to the latter) She wrote an excellent post about how she came to her decision.

Since then I've modeled vicariously through her, getting such detailed reviews of the shoots she's done so far that I could almost have been there. When her first film debuted on Sound Punishment we watched it together, both of us squealing throughout it. I felt really proud of her for going for it and making such a great film.

I felt the same today when I looked at her first photo shoot on Northern Spanking (check it out!). She's a natural brat but also a talented actress; a great combination in spanking films . And she has so many ideas and brings so much more to a shoot than just a bottom to spank, that she's a perfect spanking model.

So the other day Caroline and I were having our regular 'when is EmmaJane going to model?' conversation. We have it every so often. The short answer is never. Not my thing , I wouldn't be any good at it, I'm not an actress etc., etc. Then that night I had a dream that completely summed up my real feelings on modeling.

I was in a spanking film, as an extra. Caroline was the leading spanko star and was being spanked in a school scene. I was one of several school girls witnessing it. To the director's annoyance I kept covering my face with my hands. Eventually after yelling at me to uncover it, he came over and asked what was I doing.

"I don't want anyone to see me" I mumbled, to which he replied "Well why are you in the film then?"

As I've posted recently almost none of my friends and none of my family know about my kink. So I would hate for them to find out through seeing me in action in a film. I love being kinky but I'm not 'loud and proud'. It's one part of my life, one part of me. I'm finally recognising that side of me and revelling in it but it's still not the be all and end all of me or my life. Vanilla EmmaJane still exists, the one with a career, family responsibilities and a great circle of friends. My challenge is in finding the right balance between the two, but that's a whole other post!

Another strike against modeling, and this is kind of vital for a model, I'd hate to think of people watching me. People that I didn't know and would never meet. In roleplay scenes I always feel the added embarrassment of being punished in front of others; it really adds to the scene. But thinking of being watched by strangers, on a TV or laptop freaks me out.

Then add to that all the usual insecurities a girl has 'Who'd want to watch me, I wouldn't be any good at it, I'm not thin/pretty/curvy/tall/small/tanned enough..' and the answer is definitely no. EmmaJane will not be coming to a screen near you (and is perfectly happy about it!).