Discipline Fetish

My post yesterday describing my first mouth soaping resulted in a few comments on the horrors vs hotness of it. I started to comment in response and then realised I needed a whole post in itself to explain.

Personally I had always been curious about it and since HH knew this, it was bound to happen in at least one of our scenes. So I figured I'd try it once and never want to do it again. But that wasn't the case. I'd certainly submit to it again.

Now don't get me wrong, the whole thing was horrible. The soap was disgusting and I had to suffer through the whole scene feeling and tasting it in my mouth. And even afterwards when I brushed my teeth I could still taste it for hours. Ugh!!

I also feel the same way about hand tawsing. I hate it so much at the time. Having to hold out your hands for each stroke. The unbearable pain and the lasting burning afterwards. Plus there are only so many strokes you can take. Your tolerance never increases, your hands don't warm up to let you take more. Each hurts more than the last one and you can't be stoic and unflinching.

So why would I willingly do both of these horrible things again?

HH and I discussed this at length and we came to the conclusion that it's because both really appeal to my discipline fetish. I want to be a good girl. A well-behaved girl. A disciplined girl. Even before I knew I was into spanking or had any spanking thoughts at all I was obsessed with rules and discipline. My earliest fantasies were of people being subjected to lots of rules. Being obedient. Being disciplined. An interest in the physical act of discipline came much later.

For me mouth soaping and hand tawsing are both very pure forms of punishment. Like writing an imposition or standing in a corner for a long time, or being sent to bed early. Yes the thought might be hot but the reality is not! For me, this is real discipline.

Then there's the sense of shame that goes with these punishments. The inability to be brave. The absolute unpleasantness of both. And for me they are non-sexual compared to other punishments on my bottom, breasts etc. During those punishments I often feel a huge endorphin rush and usually don't want the scene to end until we've played for a long time or I've been taken to my limits.

With pure punishments I want them to end as soon as they start. I don't want to extend them and I won't purposely misbehave to get such attentions. So I feel truly punished if my mouth is soaped out or if my hands are tawsed. And being truly and deservedly punished is at the heart of my discipline fetish.