A little slap...

I'm conscious that I have been a bit moany on here lately, complaining about my kinky life being too much for me. Oh poor lil me, too many people want to beat me, I'm just so popular! Sometimes I just need a sharp slap to remind myself of how incredibly lucky I am to be leading the kinky life of Reilly.

The first part of this slap (metaphorically unfortunately) came when talking to HH this evening. He was briefly telling me about a recent play date with a new play partner. Not in detail of course but I got a sense of how much fun they had as she explored role play and new implements. It made me think of the new girl I had once been, so eager to play, not being able to get enough of it. When did I become so blase about play? When did I start to take it for granted?

And the second part of this slap (again metaphorically) came after my phone call with HH, unwittingly from my good friend Jessica. A little while back she sent me a disc of photos she thought I might like to have. Being very busy at the time I didn't look at the photos in any detail until just now.

I hadn't realised that they were from almost every party and event we attended together since we met (over a year ago now!) Haron's birthday party, HWMBO's anniversary party and the infamous oil wrestling match, Lowewood goes Wild in Dublin and Wales, our birthdays, Eliane's parties and my first Regency Party.

It instantly cheered me up as I giggled away to myself remembering each occasion. Felt a little gooey inside as I looked at all the faces of my dear kinky friends. Was reminded why I am living this whirlwind of a life - for the people and the experiences. And once again was excited to think of all the wonderful parties and events still ahead and the people I haven't even met yet. I really am very fortunate!

I still plan on slowing down a bit though, and bigger plans are afoot so I can cut down on the travelling altogether (more on that to come), but I'd rather have this chaotic kinky life, than go back to being that lonely, unfulfilled girl I was just two years ago. Oh how useful a little slap can be...

Implements: How do you do yours?

You may remember that earlier in the summer I assisted Ian, the London Tanner in a corporal punishment workshop he held in Dublin. He was explaining the history of CP and demonstrating various implements on me. (His willing but ever so slightly bratty model!)

Afterwards we had a Q&A session about CP and I was asked what did I consider the worst implement to be. It was a question I struggled to answer at the time. So in the end I gave them a version of the below: my thoughts on the main implements we play with.

It's a question that came to mind again over this weekend as I had a nasty re-introduction to the tawse (it's been several months since I felt one). Abel only gave me 6 (for flashing him in the corridor of our hotel) but as it's an XH that is very stiff from lack of use it burned like hell. And afterwards as I rubbed my red hot bottom I briefly decided that the tawse is surely the worst of all implements. It's thuddy and whippy, can be applied quickly and accurately, and whilst it causes deep bruising you can take a hell of a lot before (if at all) it would break the skin. Therefore the top can merrily use it for as long as he chooses!

Yes definitely the worst implement. Or is it? In reality how much I hate an implement very much depends on the mood and context of how it's being used.

In truth I always consider the slipper as my worst implement, my nemesis. Or at least a certain pair of size 1o men's gym shoes masquerading as a slipper. (HH and Ian own this particular pair between them.) It's big enough to cover one whole bottom cheek as it descends with HH's full force behind it, whilst also managing to drag across the skin leaving a horrid burning feeling behind it. It leaves both scratches on the surface of the skin as well as deep, deep bruising.

So awful is this implement that I have to feel very bad to take it. Deserving of the horror it inflicts and the stomach churning anticipation that comes with it. In short the perfect discipline item. I never play with that slipper in a light scene or just for a random non-contextual beating. It simply isn't worth it!

Whereas I can take the cane in any scenario. Deep roleplay, light school scene, judicial or just for the hell of it: bring it on! The cane brings out a certain bravery in me. Maybe it's cos of all those 'brave' school boys I've read about. Or maybe it's cos I know exactly what to expect from it: precise strokes, the sharp crack, the burn in between, the seconds to prepare before the next one lands. To the point it's practically a familiar comfort.

As for straps and the afore mentioned tawse in particular, there are various reasons why I have a very healthy respect for them. Not least because this is HH's favourite type of implement and one he unleashes on me full force. Or the fact it's pretty damn painful. And whilst I can appreciate a nice light strapping I'm too conscious of how easily it can be ramped up with the mere flick of the wrist to go from nice pain to shocking pain.

My main problem with tawses or severe straps are that the first 12-24 strokes are so hard to take. It's impossible to be dignified when you're incapable of staying in place and often screaming in pain. And yet those at the workshop who were unfamiliar with the tawse were surprised to hear me say I feared it over a cane any day!

And then there's the wooden implements. I'm not a huge fan and if I had my way I'd ban them. Mostly because it's so easy to blister the skin or cause deep bruising with them without even trying very hard. And of course the fact they can be applied vigorously and accurately means bottoms get very sore and hot with little respite. When I'm being paddled or hairbrushed, OTK in particular, I will struggle like mad to break free, very rarely settling into acceptance of it and even drawing out the most irrational anger.

Finally, we come to the spray birch. Just a bunch of twigs it is certainly not as this blog has borne testimony to on several occasions. It's an evil, painful implement and yet rates as one of my favourites. I love the shame and ceremony of making the rod, the intense burning pain it causes, the speed with which it's administered. I relish how I react to it, fighting all the way until it finally subdues me to tears. And above all I'm amazed that as it lands all I can think of is I would do anything for it to stop. Yet, and this seems like the utmost perversion, as soon as it does stop I have barely a mark to show for it and am instantly ready to play again. Whoever invented the birch is a genius. An evil, sadistic genius of course!

So the moral of my implements story is, as with everything in TTWD, it all depends on mood and context. And for me the best context is always when I'm in an obedient (or soon to be obedient) headspace, playing with a trusted top, where I don't get to choose the what or how many. Where I can't choose cane over tawse, or decline the slipper. I just have to take it, I'm not the one in control. That's really how I like to do my implements. How do you do yours?

Like the way it hurts...

For a minute forget all the deep scenes I've written about. Forget my love of roleplay and discipline. Forget that the pain is just means to an end. Forget I'm all about headspace. Forget that I'm not a masochist. Forget that I cry easily.

Because sometimes all that goes out the window.

Like at the weekend at Eliane's latest party. I couldn't get enough pain. I wanted more and more. So high with adrenalin I barely felt it. I wanted to be hit over and over, with anything hard, but the cane in particular. Breathing ragged as I took each stroke, revelling in staying in position, delighting in the occasional cheeky grin at my tormentor. And flying even higher as each session concluded.

And at times like that it's so hard to believe that there are instances where I can't play at all. Where a hand spanking makes me whimper or even 6 cane strokes is a horrific ordeal. How can that be so?

The difference I've come to realise is the energy levels involved. If you've met me you'll probably agree I have quite a bit of energy going on myself most of the time, and even some to spare. (More than one person has called me the energiser bunny and that's as much vanilla as kinky.)

At such an event like this party or Nimhneach my energy levels turn sonic as I feed off the energy in the room. In this case the fabulous kinkeratti in attendance.

It makes me want to talk to everyone at once. To dance and skip and jump. Inspires me to the most ridiculous acts of devilment and makes me want to play. To play hard and fast, getting higher and higher on adrenalin. And when I'm that high I just want more and more.

Luckily I usually find willing partners to give me as much as I want, (or at least as much as is responsible) until I'm sated and happy. And while it's a million miles away from the tearful release of deep headspace I find it very cathartic in its own way. To know that you've pushed yourself to your limits, endured such pain and yet still kept smiling. Cos sometimes I just like the way it hurts.

November, November, November!

Looks like my November is getting quite busy already. I have two fantastic parties happening within a week of each other and it's all very exciting.

The first is a private party that I'm afraid I can't invite you to, but the second is Ireland's first large scale spanking party and I insist that you just have to come along! It's been organised by some very good friends of mine (aka The Shamrock Spanking Society) and it's going to be one hell of a party in the most amazing location. So if you're free November 13th drop the guys an application form and hopefully I'll see there.

All the details are in the official blurb below:

The Shamrock Spanking Society (SSS) is a new yet traditional, discipline oriented, spanking play group based in Ireland.

We are a diverse blend of friends who have been around the block once or twice and who also share a common love of spanking and partying.

So we decided to come together to create a friendly and secure spanko space. Some of us have attended and indeed helped organize similarly styled parties in the USA, most notably Florida Moonshine (FMS) and Strictly Spanking New York (SSNY). These groups provide inspiration for this venture and we acknowledge and thank them for their support.

The main goal is to host dedicated spanking parties with a distinctively wicked Irish flavour in order to create a safe, playful, fun environment for spankos of all ages, nationalities and experience levels to meet socially and 'interact'. Friends first, spanking after. Then hopefully all friends again :)

Our inaugural gala event will take place on Saturday 13th November at a fabulous select location less than 2 hrs drive from Dublin. This really is a unique historical setting that will take your breath away. The party will include a three course buffet banquet, public and private play areas, vendors tables, spanking games, a dangerously late bar(!), spot prizes and a few surprises. Luxury B&B accommodation is available on site though naturally places will be limited.

This will be the first ever party of this kind in Ireland it's going to be a great party, one you will not forget so don't miss out! There will be guests from the USA, UK and other countries, both spankers and spankees alike!

What to do next?

In order to attend an SSS party you must become a member of this group.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Shamrock-Spanking-Society/

You must also be 18 or older. We in no way condone the spanking of minors or the non-consensual spanking of adults.

Instructions on how to proceed further and apply for an invitation to the party will be sent to you upon joining this group. Please read them carefully. Please direct any queries to the email address provided when you sign up to the yahoo group.

In the meantime, happy spankings and we look forward to having the pleasure of your company come November.

Sarah, Frank, Caroline Grey & Ian the London Tanner

Oooops

Good lil girl out on her bike...


...enjoying the lovely sunshine....



...until ooops a nasty breeze flips her skirt up. Hopefully no-one saw it or there'll be a caning in store for our poor girl!

Just a fantasy

This is probably the longest I've ever gone between blog posts and I find it unsettling. Not just because of the gaping hole in my blog, but I actually miss writing on here. There is a comfort in it that I have gotten used to having and several times lately I have itched to have just half an hour to blog.

Basically I have been away a lot for both vanilla and kinky things, and about to head off again for another trip. These long weekends away coupled with a few manic days at work in between and trying to catch up with vanillas has left little time for anything else: Like blogging, or reading other blogs, answering emails, sleeping or having time for me.

"My first weekend away I switched off completely. No mail, no twitter. no work thoughts. I was with vanilla friends and I was shutting away both the kinky and work worlds. It coincided with a forced period of no play as I recovered from my judicial and that felt right. I came back refreshed, re-energised, excited. But as is the world I came back to hassle at work, 12 hour days of running to stand still and the gradual onset of panic over my upcoming trip away with HH.

By the time I finished work last week I was shattered and fighting a low energy space. And it continued all over the weekend. Whilst I was very happy to be with HH and thrilled to be where we were, I spent far too much of the weekend cranky and irritable. Sure we had lots of non-kinky fun and hanging out and even some play, but not to our usual levels.

Usually being a cranky brat are very valid reasons for a good spanking except I couldn't deal with that either. I didn't have the energy to play and took the few spankings he meted out with much fuss. I couldn't surrender myself to the relief of play. Hairbrushes made me squeal. A caning felt like the worst in the world. In our first proper scene I safeworded after 8 cane strokes: I have never safeworded to HH before.

And it made me want to hide away even more. I was so frustrated at myself. Worried I wasn't being a good companion to HH. Scared my kink had run away on me. Freaking out that I wasn't me.

In these situations I usually get a 'good for me' spanking. But it didn't really work until the end of the trip, I wasn't in the headspace to accept it. On the last evening came a hairbrushing that I tried to be brave for and failed and the much needed tears as he spanked me rapidly with his hand. And the relief that I was at least making some amends with HH as I apologised for my crankiness.

But still last night I came back overwhelmed with feelings. Angry that despite the great weekend I had wasted some of it. Frustrated at not being my usual high energy self, guilty I hadn't been the perfect companion. And dreading going back into work.

It all felt too much and for the first time I really started to doubt this kinky whirlwind of a life I have created. Is it really worth it? And as I chatted to the wonderful Casey Morgan I finally started to process what's really getting to me; I have too much on.

I say with glee that my next free weekend is in October or that I pretty much haven't a free evening for weeks as I compensate my vanilla friends for all the weekends I'm away. With the result that it feels like I'm going around the carousel too fast and don't know how to get off without pulling the emergency break.

And when Casey dreamed up this fantasy for me I cried. Cos secretly that's what I want, what I've always wanted since I was little girl. The perfectly regulated life where someone else sets the pace for me. Where I'm completely looked after and I don't always have to be the grown-up.

It's just a fantasy, but it's a great one, right?

"My fantasy is that you are magically whisked away to a summer house way out in the countryside and because it's magic all your regular life responsibilities are taken care of for you while you're away and you have to spend the rest of the summer there, and there's some kind of guardian but he's like the uncle in Narnia and always locked away in some wing and you have a governess who makes sure you have time to do plenty of stimulating and relaxing and feeding and healthy things and you get to play your characters if you want and be High and Low all you want and maybe have a friend or two come play, but still your governess insists on lots of restorative time"