Tuesday, November 17

The truth shall set you free

So I bit the bullet and told another 'nilla about my secret life. Lets call her Morena. I'd been thinking of telling her for a long time. I've known her almost ten years and she's a very chilled and easy going person and one of my closest friends. Deep down I knew she'd probably be fine with it, but the doubt was always there. That fear of a negative reaction. Of being ridiculed.

Funnily it was so often on the tip of my tongue to tell her, but I couldn't get the words out. It didn't help that very early on I tried to suss her out by saying I'd met some new friends online. The friends at the time being Frank and Caroline. When she reacted by asking me was I swinging I was very much put off, believing my fears proven, she wouldn't understand.

When we met last week I hadn't planned on telling her. There wasn't even any wine involved either! But as she asked about my weekends away, both past and upcoming I was suddenly weary of all the lying. Lately I've been feeling very overwhelmed by living this secret life. As much as I try to keep the details to a minimum and share only the activities that are non-kinky, it still involves some lying on my part. (Expert lying I might add but that's another day's post.) So in this mood of wanting to be honest I told her and nervously awaited her response.

It was not what I expected. Not only was she perfectly fine with it, she was actually interested! Delighted almost. Curious certainly. And she admitted to some skeletons in her own closest that we giggled over too.

Her only issue was how I could have kept it from her for so long. It was difficult to explain the fear behind my secrecy, especially in the face of her own openness and understanding. And when I told her of my early attempts to tell her, she admitted she had suspected something kinky but not in a negative way at all.

I haven't told her many details, just that I'm into a lot of kinky stuff, some sexual and some not so sexual. That I play with different people, in roleplay and re-enactments. She urged me to go for it and do whatever made me happy, assuring me it wasn't weird at all. And was positively envious of the upcoming Regency House Party. We discussed my blog and she asked for the link but I told her I wasn't ready for that yet. Mostly because I'm not sure she understands how honest I am on here, how much I tell and whether she'd be comfortable with reading some of my more intense scenes. That most of my play is not sexual, that it's the deep emotional reaction that I crave and that I can suffer a lot of pain in the process.

Telling her made me feel wonderful, not only to have told her but to see her react so positively. I felt the two sides of me fused a lil bit more and gave me hope that one day I won't have any secrets from my close friends. Something I dearly wish.

So now I think I may tell another one, but not just yet. Carefully does it and all that. Still I'm emboldened by Morena's reaction, even if she did get slightly upset when I called her vanilla. Oooops!


Eliane said...

Well done you. It always takes courage to tell vanilla friends (sorry Morena!) but I've always been very lucky in the reactions I've had. The vast majority of people have been very happy for me, and even those who were not actively happy were indifferent rather than disaapproving.
You are right though, that the lying gets wearing. Having to repeatedly tell lies, or just avoid having conversations with people who are close to me is what drove me to "come out" to them.

Graham said...

That's awesome! Way to go Morena. The two "vanilla" friends I've told have been amazing in their reactions... Shouldn't have expected anything less from them, though.

Other friends I feel would be happier not knowing, and it's difficult. I'm not an expert liar -- maybe you should give me lessons!

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

Lovely story Emma Jane, about a subject of enduring interest to all of us spankos.

I have yet to have had an overtly bad reaction to telling someone. And yet, it's not something I do everyday.

Casey's Belly said...

Thank you for sharing this with us, Emma Jane. It can't have been easy to open up your secrets to a friend and I am glad her reaction was positive.

To be honest, I think that a great many people are secretly fascinated by the life-style and would love someone who has experienced it to 'take them by the hand' and let them know they are not weird or wicked to have such thoughts, needs and desires, and that human sexuality takes many forms.

Perhaps if we - that is most of us - weren't so uptight about everything, we could enjoy life so much better.

Well done, and 'welcome to the new world of sexual freedom' to your friend.

Jack said...

Of course she'll probably find it of her own accord. But that's an awkwardness for later. Well done you.

Indy said...

Good for you, Emma Jane. I don't think it actually gets that much easier with time, but I haven't had any bad reactions, either. And it certainly a lot better than having to lie to the people you care about.

Caroline Grey said...

That's wonderful, Emma Jane! I'm proud of you--sober outing, even! The few friends that I've told have all reacted with varying degrees of glee, and they've all been supportive. And it is great when you feel the gap between your two lives close a little. If I was single I'd probably tell more people but when you're part of a twosome you don't just out yourself.

Master Retep said...

Well done. I think there are a lot more people out there who have the desire and who probably think WE are corageous (moi ? ! ?). Just glance through the themes of the not-top-shelf-anymore books in Easons (that's Irish for WHSmith) and there's a definite market out there in 'nilla land.

Very good point Caroline, once you are in an identified team, its a much bigger deal.

Myself and B have certainly speculated about possible, aw shit lets be honest!, probable shades of kink amongst some of our friends. Its a fun game and I keeps up my interest to speculate who we'll run into at a munch or a party first.

Paul said...

EmmaJane, that was brave, I'm glad that it worked out well for you both.
Warm hugs,

PaulaK said...

Hi Emma Jane,

Well maybe it's something in the Irish psyche or traditions that makes us keep all these things to ourselves. As you are well aware, this culture of not sharing stuff has not had too glorious a history. But I think we are all pleasantly amused that people are far more accepting about many things than we might have thought. Irish people seem to accept an awful lot - maybe some day you can post about possible punishments for the bankers, politicians, union leaders, etc. but at least in private life we can get on with things and have a good time.


Dom42 said...

First let me thank you for sharing your wonderful blog. I'm a regular "lurker" and enjoy it very much. I live in California, USA and telling vanilla friends is very scary even in this very liberal place. Well done!


MecIrlandais said...

That was certainly brave. I urge you however to proceed with great caution here. The next person you tell you should be sure you are ready to tell them & plan it in advance rather than a spur of the moment thing. But good for you, I am envious, I am still hiding from every vanilla I know.

It's understandable you didn't give her the link, you would probably need a week away on your own with her to answer all the questions that would raise I suspect. But you did tell her that you receive physical pain in these "roleplays and re-enactments"?