Tuesday, February 9

Let's not talk about sex

HH commented on my last blog post about whether it was allowed to delete comments that we feel are inappropriate. As he says:

'But for me the grey area, where I do hesitate, comes from comments that I find squicky or distasteful, or say things I don't want to be associated with. For example, I recently deleted one that suggested a sexual ending to a scene I thought of as "sweet and innocent".' Now, I fully realise that in "censoring" such a comment I am imposing my own ideas of what is "appropriate". What I am not sure about is whether that is something I ought to do, or am entitled to do.

In this situation I think he was right to delete the comment. His post was about a scene that was 'innocent'. Of course we all know the underlying sexual element to all such scenes: I'm not going to go into it again here. But for many of us our core kink is about realism and being as authentic as we can. Therefore for HH and others reading afterwards the 'realness' of the fantasy is compromised by the suggestion of a sexual ending.

However, I'm not saying that anyone who would imagine that scene descending into something sexual is wrong. As Indy is currently discussing on her own excellent blog, most of us try to subscribe to the YKIOK school of thought. Or for my part, even if I find it squicky (but it's happening between consenting adults) I try and keep my opinions to myself.

But when it comes to our blogs, that's different. We bloggers decide the tone of our own blogs, to our own tastes. Each post is a conversation we've decided to initiate, whether it be a discussion, random musing or sharing scenes and fantasies: our own personal scenes and fantasies.

In my world discipline and punishment are my core kinks. They are not a turn on or something to get off on. They are not erotic at the time and in my head, my fantasies do not descend into a sexual ending.

As this blog is all about my core kink it figures that it would take the same approach. So I don't talk about sex on here as I find it a distraction from the purity of what I'm really into. Although this is just my personal preference and I have no problem with others who do, usually finding their accounts very hot to read.

But for me it's a lot to do with privacy; my own and whomever I'm playing with. And also because I don't want people to make random judgements about me, or my play partners either. Assuming I play such a way with everyone, or am into X because I like Y.

And mostly I don't share the sex stuff because I like to think this is all real: I was a naughty girl who got caned by her Headmaster; I was a bratty girlfriend who got spanked by her boyfriend for good reason. I like to read over my accounts of playtime and pretend I don't actually like this whole punishment thing at all.

Not blogging those details doesn't mean I don't like sex; I do. Or that some of my scenes don't have sex in them; they do. Or that I don't sometimes hint at such play in my fantasies and stories for you to draw out yourself; I do. Or that all this fake reality isn't the biggest turn on of all; it certainly is!

I just choose to not blog about it. So if you comment and wreck my kinky buzz, I think I am entitled to delete that comment. But as HH ponders what to the rest of you think?


Mija said...

In my case I leave up everything but spam and personal ads. That's partly personal choice, partly laziness, partly (in the case of asshole abuse) I figure it's a community service to let someone show their true colors in public. On the PB, I leave it to each author to decide if she wants a comment deleted, generally it's only happened once when there was a too personal comment about someone's partner.

That's how it's been so far. I can imagine deleting comments, especially if they were abusive toward people I love, but 5+ years into blogging, haven't had a real reason to.

In the case of someone writing something I found squicky, I'd probably just treat it as a discussion opportunity to explain what works for me and what doesn't. Then again, my kinks are rather strange and specific and what I find squicks me is odd too. ;)

What I agree with *completely* is the notion that this is your blog and your space to do with as you like.

Anonymous said...

What I agree with *completely* is the notion that this is your blog and your space to do with as you like.

I agree 100%. I think that sometimes we all bend over backwards (no, that's not my kink)too much to be politically correct or open or tolerant. It's your blog and you should do what you damned well please with it.


Cerys said...

An interesting and thought-provoking posting (as usual!). to have my own two-penny-worth, and at the risk of "me too" -ing, I find myself agreeing with what's already been said.

I don't blog myself, but if I did, I think I'd take much the same line; delete it if it offends (even if the only person it DOES offend is me, and even if only then for my own reasons).

I don't think there is - or, indeed, should be - some kind of objective test or need to fit in with some wider PC consensus. If you blog, then surely it's your blog to do with as you wish. If anyone else wants to take things in a different direction, they are, after all, presumably welcome to set up their own blog, and please themselves too!

That said, I do have a broad intellectual/principle objection to censorship - but then this isn't a question of denying someone's freedom of speech or right to self-expression. It is simply an issue of the medium or the venue - and that, i think, give you the right to set the tone.

Gawd - sorry, what a load of old pontification! Had I been Greek (and there's a dodgy joke in there somewhere) I'd doubtless have been Cerys the Prolix (lol).

I'll go back to sleep now and pretend I'm doing some work!

Kisses, one and all - and I love the blog btw.

Jessica said...

On a personal note, like Mija, I leave up everything thst isn't spam. So I often get comments that I don't agree with, but appreciate all the same. Equally, I sometimes get emails saying 'it would have been nice if you'd done this' to which I think 'yuk! No thanks!*' But I don't delete such things because they are other people's fantasies, other people's ideas about how things might have gone.

And that's the point really. My blog is all about (when I'm not having a good old moan) my play life and my erotic fantasies, which are mostly sexual, but sometimes aren't. Like you, I sometimes don't write about scenes because they have been very personal, very special or frankly, exceedingly rude! But if I do choose to write about something and it turns someone else on enough to add their own embellishments, in a way, that is flattering. You have stirred their imaginations. And that is a compliment!

*such as where the dom doesn't spank me at all and gives me flowers instead. There are some sick people out there!

EmmaJane said...

Thanks guys, good to know I'm not the only one who feels a bit possessive of my blogging space.

@cerys, awww thanks for your lovely comment :)