Sunday, September 18

Beautifully me

I never thought I’d come to enjoy my body being photographed, either fully clothed or naked. I looked in appreciation at photos of other people. In my own head I applauded their braveness. And in my own way I was envious. Not of how they looked; what appeals to each individual is subjective, we see different beauty in everybody. No, I envied their confidence to share their pictures, in such glory and detail. Imagine liking yourself enough to do that.

HH being a keen photographer has been taking pictures of our play from the start. Back then for me it was just a record of a particularly interesting scene: I had no intention of sharing them publicly. I had seen his photographs of Nikki and Kami and many other girls who I considered worthy (and by worthy I mean pretty and sexy and interesting enough) on the blogs. I would not be competing with that. 

So at first I paid little heed to the photos; a brief look and a shiver of repulsion and I’d look away. Usually the marks were all I cared for. But as time went on I began to appreciate the story my face and body told. I came to understand how the photos could add to the scene write-ups and in time I came to enjoy looking at myself, both in the moment and looking back at scene gone by. I started to appreciate my body. To think that being pictured in the thrall of my kink was actually worthy; of being looked at and being shared.  
Like many people I know, I spend a lot of time frowning in the mirror, sucking in my tummy and standing on tip-toe trying to improve how I look. I agonise over weight gained, favourite clothes not fitting, wish I was taller and thinner, struggle to stay as fit and healthy as I believe I ought. (Please do not reply with a ream of platitudes and assurances that I am perfect as I am - that is not the point of this post. Let’s accept that we all have our own insecurities and hang-ups.)

So it gives me a thrill to see a picture of me that I like; one that makes me feel sexy and confident. More and more I ask to be photographed, both in scenes (as often documented here) and outside of them. The past week with HH in Scotland we had ample opportunity for out of scene shots and this post includes a selection of my favourite ones. 

Of course I’ve discarded those I felt to be unflattering. Photography hasn’t achieved miracles with life’s on going insecurities; the fact I find any that I like at all is the positive thing! Now I share these photos completely narcissistically, for once indulging in being beautifully me.


Abel1234 said...

And you're right to 'indulge' - lovely photos (HH really is such an excellent photographer), and you look wonderful in them.

Anonymous said...

I hear what you're saying. I have dozens of photos Bonnie has taken of me during our play, much like HH has taken of you. I look at them and fret now and then about this or that bulge or admire this or that muscle, but have only shared them with a few close, kinko friends. Kudos to you for sharing your photos on your blog and - no platitude intended - I find you, and the photos, beautiful.


Indy said...

Beautifully you is such a good description!

Ordalie said...

You ARE beautiful and no mistake! I remember what was I think the first photo you shared, lying in the snow; it was magic!

Pandora Blake said...

Bravo! Beautiful post, and beautiful pictures. I'm glad that this exploration of one of the creative sides of kink has brought you pleasure :)

Kami Robertson said...

Lovely locations for photos!!!

Yeah, and lovely girl too ;)

(Envious of the graveyard though! ;) )

EmmaJane said...

Thanks lovely people - makes me feel even better to read such nice things.

Kami, HH liked that place so much (plus it's very secluded) that I think you will be visiting it at some point :)

Kaelah said...

Beautiful pictures, Emma Jane! The place is indeed lovely as well. I love outdoor pictures and pictures with old graveyards and houses.

And I can absolutely relate to your post. I would never have thought that I like publishing erotic pictures of myself as much as I do now. As a matter of fact, I was very surprised when I did my first fun shoot with friends that I actually liked myself in some of the pictures. I still sort out a lot of photos we make, but it has become much better. And I think I even like myself more on vanilla pictures as well! Making and posting pictures definitely always makes me very happy and it has definitely given me self-confidence and a much more positive feeling about my body.