Friday, October 23

I want...

It's been a long time since I've been beaten, sigh, a full month to be precise. Can't remember the last time I went so long without a fix. Truth be told I know I've been awfully spoiled with play lately. And if the stupid piggy flu hadn't struck I would have got to play with Jessica and HWMBO and The Lover and Bex and Scarlett two weeks ago and that would have been so much fun. But anyway, I promise I'm not still sulking over that..

Anywho this time next week I shall be making my way nervously over to HH for a serious dose of discipline and abuse. I don't know if it's cause I haven't been playing or something else, but my mind is full of dark places right now. Severe beatings, welts, complete humiliation, despair and body wracking sobs are on my agenda.

I want my soul to be stripped bare, want to be reminded why I love and hate the pain and the humiliation. I want to revert to deep places where I have no control and sink into nothingness safe in the knowledge that HH will catch me. I want to have that high that comes from great play and that makes me fly. And I want to come home sore and sorry, played out physically and emotionally.

But what I really want, is what I don't want. And that's something I need, badly.


Indy said...

If you're free this Sunday, I'm apparently due a 14-stroke caning, which would provide a good warmup for you. Really, I don't mind, you can go in my place!

Paul said...

EmmaJane, I hope that you get what you need, I suspect it will be up to HH if you get all that you want.
Warm hugs