Thursday, November 11

1810 - The way we were

Protected. Beautiful. Wanted. Loved. Understood. Worthy. Special.
That's how I felt this weekend. No other roleplay makes me feel this way like the Regency House Party does. Last year wasn't just a once off, a new experience blown out of proportion. At the second tasting it was just as profound. Many times I looked at the people around me and felt humbled to be part of this. To be included.

For men to ask me to dance, stand when I entered a room, seat me at dinner, fetch my napkin, give me an arm when walking, compliment me in ways that I heard.

For beautiful ladies to tell me that I too had beauty, to share a whispered secret, to giggle behind a fan, to help me dress, praise my choice of clothes, shoes, jewellery, to enjoy the other's company.

The swish of my dress as I flounced into a room, the pure girlyness of my own laughter sounding strange to my ears, the blush of an unladylike thought, the gentle beating of my own happy heart.

The indulgence of exquisite food, the carefree abandonment of eating and drinking at leisure, the joy of servants on hand.

The frisson of excitement on entering the Hellfire club masked and cloaked, the thrill of being won to Lord Fawcett, the submission of being leashed and led, and the fear of the look that promised retribution.

The anticipation of being blindfolded and dealt with by each gentleman in turn, the surrealness of hearing all the ladies endure as I endured, and the certainty with which I went to my own man.

The laughter at some joke or trick, the sudden realisation it has gone too far and punishment quick to follow.

The pleasure of writing and receiving  letters, the promise of fun and delights to come, the thrill of new experiences, and the pleasure of old ones revisited.

The ritual of the dance, partners barely touching, chemistry at its most potent, catching an eye across the room, and finally coming together for the waltz, dancing all of us in harmony.

The shameless posing and flirting with the camera, and the girl with the camera, in the hope there might be a photo that captures the essence of love and life and togetherness of this wonderful weekend.

The wonderment that one person could have such vision and ambitions to create this uptopic fantasy and bring it to fruition, the frustration that mere words would never be enough to convey our thanks to the Arch-Duchess.

The tears welling up as it all came to an end, the drop crashing around my head like the bells of doom.

And the acceptance that 1810 is no more, but happy memories, photos and friendship endure in the real world too.
Protected. Beautiful. Wanted. Loved. Understood. Worthy. Special.


Abel1234 said...

Oh, this is so amazing as an encapsulation of the impact of the weekend.

And yes, you were amazing, beautiful, worthy of all of the attention and compliments. And yes, you made me feel amazingly protective - wanting and loving you - and amazingly proud that someone so special could love me back and come into my arms.

As for that moment during the Hellfire club, when you were the girl for me to deal with, and when you so evidently recognised me before we'd even touched, even started... that was a moment of unforgettable, astonishing, truly memorable intensity.


Melanie said...

Wow. All I can say is, wow. You have an incredible ability to capture a moment in words and transport a reader to the heart of the experience. You treat language like an artist. I was entranced the entire time I was reading, and I sit now, several minutes later, still affected, afraid to move lest I will somehow shake what you created. Thank you for sharing this gift.

Eliane said...

I'm so glad you had such a wonderful time, and you know that Lady Francesca was with you in spirit. Or rather in the Champagne.

Caroline Grey said...

Oh wow. You're such a writer, you know that?

It was so wonderful to have you at our party this weekend. I wish we could be at all parties together!

Big huge hugs to you.

Rachel said...

i am glad you had a great time pretending to be 200 years ago.

EmmaJane said...

@Abel, thanks, you know how hard it is to capture the essence of this weekend

@Meanie, @Caroline thanks for the amazing compliments, that means a lot

@Elaine, don't worry I drank enough champagne for Olivia and Francesca!

@Rachel, welcome to the blog :)