Friday, March 5

When dreams become nightmares!

I've been having lots of kinky dreams lately. Maybe it's cos I'm having two kink-free weekends in a row and my subconscious is over compensating?

Most of them have been rather delicious. My fav one takes place at Jessica's house. In the dream it's my birthday and I'm called into the living room to face all the regular toppy types of my acquaintance including HWMBO, The Lover, HH and Abel. They tell me I'm about to get a birthday punishment and then spend ages arranging me over a large armchair. When I'm fully secured they leave me alone in the room to await the punishment. Even now I can feel the delicious feeling of anticipation as I waited until they came back.

Unfortunately I woke before I could actually be punished. Still, it was a great dream and my imagination has concluded it several different ways already!

So yes I've been really enjoying these kinky dreams. Or at least I was until the one I had the other night. It squicked me so much it's painful to even write about it. But as it's still far too vivid for comfort I'm hoping that by blogging it the images seared onto my mind will dissipate.

In the dream I'm at home. Not sure what age I am, but not a young child - most likely in very late teens. My mother sends me to my room to wait for her and I know I'm going to be spanked. Again I can feel the anticipation of waiting for punishment, but this is with real dread, not the excitement of play.

When my mother arrives in my room she orders me to bare my bottom and bend over her knee. I do so, feeling shame and embarrassment. But as she starts to spank me with her hand she mortifies me by saying, 'I know you really enjoy being spanked..'

At that point I thankfully managed to wake myself up. It freaked me out on so many levels I barely know where to start. For one, I was never formally spanked at home by either parent. We'd occasionally get a few random slaps but nothing formal. So it's not that I'm remembering actual childhood spankings.

The fact it's my mother, not my father, is even creepier for some reason. She's very young as mothers go, my parents being only teenagers when I was born. Add to that I'm the eldest of several other children, all considerably younger than me, so I've nearly always been the third parent and still am! So me getting punished like that, and no doubt being heard by younger siblings is inconceivable.

And then there's the whole she knows I'm kinky. Not so much that she knows. I really don't think she'll care and is possibly kinky herself. But that she uses the knowledge to humiliate me. To the point where I was wishing I wasn't, that I was ashamed of who I am. That's the bit that makes me most queasy.

As is that burning image of me bare bottomed over my mother's knee as she spanks me. It's almost enough to cure my kink.


Caroline Grey said...

GAH GAH! Oh honey, DO NOT WANT. Poor kid! Now you're going to give us all nightmares!

Casey Morgan said...

Exorcism!! But I know what you mean. It's rather the nightmare of many of us...

Henry Higgins said...

I started to reply to this, but it got out of hand. So I have made a post about it on my own blog.

The basic question is:

Do you ever have dreams in which you are actually spanked and feel pain?


EmmaJane said...

@casey, hmm I may have to find an exorcist so, you're not over here any time soon are you???

@HH I shall reply on your blog. So no help on the utter squickness then?

Indy said...

Oh, I do hope writing it down helped! Might have to comment on my own blog, too. If I ever get around to writing another post...

catherine said...

Eek! I had a dream recently - probably inspired by Irelynn, whose vanilla friend popped over unannounced for the weekend - that my sister found a lot of my kink related belongings and then proceeded to ask me about them over family breakfast time. Cue my dad first asking if I'd ever actually tried any spanko activities for real, and then trying to make me promise never to do such a thing again. Very disturbing!

Families and kink should never be mixed, IMHO!


Paul said...

EmmaJane, dreams involving ones parents and sex/kink are always bad.
I had one more than half my life age, which I still remember.
I hope that yours fades with time.
Warm hugs,