Tuesday, June 9

Vanilla Flavours Continued

A few days ago I posted a very light hearted note about a recent vanilla date I went on. It was very tongue in cheek, but all joking aside I have come to the conclusion that I'm not interested in a relationship with a vanilla anymore.

It's a big decision for me to make and probably sounds a bit strange to the seasoned people out there who are already in kinky relationships or who haven't considered vanillas for a long time anyway. But all my adult life I've been open to and actively exploring relationships with anyone who took my fancy, regardless of their sexual deviations (or lack thereof).

I don't mean to be anti-vanilla, in fact I consider myself to be very vanilla. Yes I'm kinky. Yes I love to meet other kinky people. Yes I love to play and explore. But I also enjoy my vanilla life too: my job, my hobbies, my family, my friends, who I am. Which in some ways is almost the direct opposite to my kinky self: in control, domineering and seriously bossy.

So I want someone I can share both sides of me with, who will love all of me. And that person has to have an interest in our lifestyle. Maybe not yet an active player, but one who has a desire and a need to live this life none the less.

And converting a vanilla is not a path I want to go down again. I've been there and done that. To be fair we made it work for a few years but even then I still felt very frustrated much of the time. It's not an experience I'd want to repeat. As a bottom/sub there is nothing worse than having to tell someone how to control you, when and how to punish you or that it's supposed to hurt.

Now having made this decision I'm naturally afraid. What if I don't meet anyone I connect with on both levels: vanilla and kinky? It's hard enough connecting on a vanilla level alone without the whole other complication of a kink. Things I've wanted my whole life are in jeopardy. I may never find that life partner. I may have to be content with casual relationships and playdates with friends.

But having tried a vanilla relationship without kink and being completely unsatisfied I'd rather take my chances with a kinky life and have no relationship at all. At least for the foreseeable future.


Julie said...

Reading that just made me realise again how lucky I am to have found a kinky partner that exceeds all expectations I've had in males. I hope that we'll be able to be together in every sense soon, and I most definitely will hold onto him for a good while. :P
Because trying to explain your kink to a vanilla person and convincing him to engage in it? Nothanks indeed.

Erik said...

I wish you luck, you have taken a big and wonderful decision. Sure you will succeed

Indy said...

Wonderful post, Emma Jane. I go back and forth on that issue. A long-time player once said she'd date vanilla guys, but press them to see how sexually adventurous they were first. I think it would work for her-- not sure about for me.