Saturday, July 18

A very warm welcome

Is it just me or is the spanking community made up of lots of nice, friendly people? Most of whom are intelligent and although seriously kinky have opinions and interests outside of that too. People who are also open and welcoming.

Sure they want to beat me, abuse me and make me cry. But they go about it in such a lovely way, I nearly don't mind at all. Of course I've been contacted by one or two that don't fall into this category but you quickly learn to weed them out and you realise it's not for nothing that they aren't friends with all the others you've clicked with.

I'm still amazed by the welcome newbies like me have gotten in the scene. The patient answering of questions surely asked for the 100th time, the indulgent tolerance of a newbie at her first party, the careful advice on limits, implements and play patterns. Or the lengths people will go to help you out or invite you to play. Like offering a place to stay, even if they've never met you before, or picking you up from the airport, or arranging a party for you.

So I'm still trying to figure out if the whole community really is so open and welcoming or if I have just been incredibly lucky. Either way I'm not complaining, and have certainly enjoyed the warm, sometimes roasting hot welcome I've received!


Jessica said...

Yes, the community is very open and welcoming. However - have you ever thought that the reason peoiple go out of their way for you is because you are a really nice person, whom people want to spend time with? That's why they make the effort, because you give back in return! xx

Master Retep said...

I would also agree with you, we have also been really impressed by how easy it is to make friends in this community, but I think there is a little more to it than just luck. I was certainly struck, when myself and my B started reading posts on DD boards and similar, at the number of intelligent college graduate contributors there appeared to be. I'm not just trying to get off on a sort of intelligentia love-in, but I do believe that embracing any of these kinks does actually require an intellectual confidence not present in most soccer hooligan chavs or their hen party chavettes. If you crave acceptance in your own social grouping, you are probably not going to put your hand up and admit to fetish. In other than liberally educated environments, there is probably no quicker way of inviting being ostracised, if not stoned, kneecapped, tared and feathered or ...(insert mob displeasure of your part of the globe).

Another reason for the mutual respect is that playing is an intimate interaction. Power exchange is just that, an exchange. It is most certainly not an opportunity for a violent top to beat up a sub, and we are all very aware of that. Good play is like hang gliding or surfing, I imagine, since I have done neither. If you are going to get a buzz from getting close to the edge, you had better be sober and in control. Being in control actually involves listening very carefully to your sub, even whilst giving the impression of being untouched by their anguish. So, you can't be a good top if your not respectful, and being a good bottom is sort of about respect too. As I commented in a previous post of my own, Nimhneach is probably the least violent place you can get a drink in Dublin on a Saturday night.

A final thought, mutually assured destruction through identity revelation is one way of ensuring that both tops and bottoms have respect for one another and everybody else around who might recognise them in the vanilla world.

Graham said...

I feel the same way, EJ. Being somewhat naturally wary and reserved myself, it amazes me how people can be so friendly and generous toward people they've never even met before. I kind of feel like I won the newbie spanko lottery sometimes. Yes, we are quite lucky : )

Eliane said...

I agree. But I always seem to agree with you! Can you do me a favour and one of these days write a post I don't agree with??

EmmaJane said...

@Eliane, that's cos I'm always right! Although I did think of writing a post today about your birthday and the need for every toppy accquaintance to give you a sound birthday spanking. Was thinking each should have to use a different implement. And of course the bottom types should give you one too but their's should be doubled cos they're only bottoms ;-)

So would you have agreed with such a post?

Eliane said...

See, there you go, that would have been one I disagreed vehemently with ;-)

Indy said...

I've also been amazed at how warm and caring the internet community has been. Of course, on the flip side, I've also been rather amazed to have so many friends I care about but have never actually met!

Bonnie said...


I think your characterization is right on target. Yes, we're all about "warm!"


Master Retep said...

Oh yes, we do "warm", don't we?

Abel1234 said...

I wonder the same thing - and also wonder why it is that all of my friends in the scene seem to be such intelligent people. And I've never been able to work out whether it's the case that everyone in the scene's friendly and intelligent, or whether I'm just being selective in who I get to know.

(I mean, without wishing to sound snobbish, there could be huge numbers of unfriendly, unintelligent spankos out there, but I doubt I'd like them enough to get to want to get to know them).